Six Feet Under

Every episode starts with a death.

Six Feet Under. My first impression was how interesting it was to look at the life of a family born into the funeral business. It really struck me how a show full of relationships, humour and (straight & gay) sex could bring out death, loneliness and loss in such profound ways.

It is an incredibly deep film. It opened my eyes and made me think about the life I live. It made me realise how little we really know - and treasure - about the ones that are closest to us. It is so terribly easy to look them in the eye and pretend that nothing is wrong. It is so easy for us to not notice that they are hurting. Because we don't want to face the fucked up thoughts we have. We just dream of brittle things, pretend that this is the life that we really want, run towards what we believe will make us happy, blissfully ignorant of the fact that we run towards shit. How many of us will really grow old and say we were happy with the lives we had?

The truth is, we're all just afraid of being alone. We're willing to close an eye and take the suffering that comes with the people we surround ourselves with. And we'll bitch and whine about them and think about all the shitty things about them but we'll never leave, because we're just too scared.

I guess I've come to a point in my life where I've realised how alone I am. In the thoughts that I would never share. It is so easy to realise that even when there are people all around me, they are not really there. I'm not sure if it's all worth it, and I'm not sure of what the point is when I have already seen. Maybe I am just like the rest, chasing rainbows.

I miss being a part of a real family.